I am Christmas.

Happppppy Holidays!  I’m sure you are all very relaxed and have all your presents bought and wrapped and basically just chilling until 12/25. Right?

I typed December 21, 2011 today and just had to stop and think for the next two minutes how that’s even possible.  It’s almost Christmas.  Or as that one song goes “Oh Holy Shit, it’s Christmas”.  Historically speaking, I have dreaded Christmas.  Not for any one reason other than it’s just. so. busy.  There’s never enough time for anything.  And people lose their ever-loving shit.  They drive ridiculously, they’re rude, they’re crazy-eyed, kids crying seems to be louder, there’s a line to do ANYTHING, ANYWHERE, THERE’S NEVER ENOUGH PEOPLE WORKING THE REGISTERS AT WAL-MART, and of course I always get thrown off by people and what they wear.  I just…can’t.

Anyway, this morning I was thinking about how differently I feel about Christmas this year over last year. 

Last year I walked into my parent’s house on Christmas Eve and announced: 

“If I smell like cigarette smoke it’s because I smoked three cigarettes in the car on the way here today.  Merry Christmas!”

My parents, who are no longer shocked by anything I say, both laughed. Dad: “There’s beer in the fridge if you need one.”  I think it was like 10:45am. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Now, last year, I was really anxious about Christmas.  Your first year being divorced and going through the holidays is strange.  You wonder if your family is going to look at you differently because you are ‘different’ now.  I was 29, husband-less, baby-less…feeling like real damaged goods, ok?  In all reality, my family looked at me the same as they always have…a nice mix of “I’m glad she’s home for Christmas” and “Let’s open a bottle of wine, she seems a little close to the edge.”

And this year I realize, I’m not damaged goods.  Or maybe, we are all damaged goods in our own ways.

This year, my family decided not to do presents.  We are, instead, going to just enjoy our time together.  Games, wine, food, laughs, and arguments.  For the first time in a long time, I am not dreading Christmas.  Hell, I even got a real tree this year, thanks to Michael.   

Hell, I even hand-made ornaments for it with Curra, Kay and Margo.

 

Hell, I even decorated Christmas cookies. 

 

Hell, I’ve watched “Christmas Vacation” 3 times in the last week.

Hell, I may still get it together and send out a few Christmas cards from me and Fletchie.  We’ll see if he’ll sit still long enough for me to get antlers and a red nose on him.

Not only am I not dreading Christmas, I’m pretty sure I AM CHRISTMAS.

Happy twinkle lights and scotch tape and day drinking and board games and airing of grievances and mistletoe to all of you.