Later, gator
So this is my last post.
I know.
But I haven’t been writing much lately and I just feel like it’s time for a change. I feel like my time here is done.
I will continue to write, I’m just not sure what outlet I will choose next.
Thank you guys for reading and laughing through life with me. I’m really very proud of my 100+ blog posts and I’m flattered that any of you would read, let alone comment.
And for those you that enjoyed following my excessive sweating / body odor story lines, I have found my miracle cure in dabbing rubbing alcohol and then milk of magnesia (via cotton balls) in my underarms, once in the morning, once in the evening.
I am proud to say I no longer have to wear deodorant, EVER. It’s a miracle cure!!
On that note…later, gator.
This Kid Knows Her Shit
Watch immediately.
This baybay kid is so pissed and I love it so hard. As a child that got a He-Man for a birthday gift, I totally understand and appreciate this 5-year old’s message.
There’s still hope guys. There’s still hope.
Hand to God.
Up until about a week or so ago, I thought the Christmas carol “What Child is This?” was actually named “Whose Child is This?” and I can’t stop laughing at myself for it.
Baby Jesus. He’s a good time.
Is anyone else mildy disturbed by this statue that you can actually buy online? I mean…for a mere $229 you can have this fine lawn ornament for many Christmases to come.
I am Christmas.
Happppppy Holidays! I’m sure you are all very relaxed and have all your presents bought and wrapped and basically just chilling until 12/25. Right?
I typed December 21, 2011 today and just had to stop and think for the next two minutes how that’s even possible. It’s almost Christmas. Or as that one song goes “Oh Holy Shit, it’s Christmas”. Historically speaking, I have dreaded Christmas. Not for any one reason other than it’s just. so. busy. There’s never enough time for anything. And people lose their ever-loving shit. They drive ridiculously, they’re rude, they’re crazy-eyed, kids crying seems to be louder, there’s a line to do ANYTHING, ANYWHERE, THERE’S NEVER ENOUGH PEOPLE WORKING THE REGISTERS AT WAL-MART, and of course I always get thrown off by people and what they wear. I just…can’t.
Anyway, this morning I was thinking about how differently I feel about Christmas this year over last year.
Last year I walked into my parent’s house on Christmas Eve and announced:
“If I smell like cigarette smoke it’s because I smoked three cigarettes in the car on the way here today. Merry Christmas!”
My parents, who are no longer shocked by anything I say, both laughed. Dad: “There’s beer in the fridge if you need one.” I think it was like 10:45am. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.
Now, last year, I was really anxious about Christmas. Your first year being divorced and going through the holidays is strange. You wonder if your family is going to look at you differently because you are ‘different’ now. I was 29, husband-less, baby-less…feeling like real damaged goods, ok? In all reality, my family looked at me the same as they always have…a nice mix of “I’m glad she’s home for Christmas” and “Let’s open a bottle of wine, she seems a little close to the edge.”
And this year I realize, I’m not damaged goods. Or maybe, we are all damaged goods in our own ways.
This year, my family decided not to do presents. We are, instead, going to just enjoy our time together. Games, wine, food, laughs, and arguments. For the first time in a long time, I am not dreading Christmas. Hell, I even got a real tree this year, thanks to Michael.
Hell, I even hand-made ornaments for it with Curra, Kay and Margo.
Hell, I even decorated Christmas cookies.
Hell, I’ve watched “Christmas Vacation” 3 times in the last week.
Hell, I may still get it together and send out a few Christmas cards from me and Fletchie. We’ll see if he’ll sit still long enough for me to get antlers and a red nose on him.
Not only am I not dreading Christmas, I’m pretty sure I AM CHRISTMAS.
Happy twinkle lights and scotch tape and day drinking and board games and airing of grievances and mistletoe to all of you. 🙂
A Haiku.
“Winter Time”
I’m not complaining,
But this reduced sunlight shit,
Can kiss my pale ass.
I Dare You.
Listen to “You Can Call Me Al” by Paul Simon and try not to smile and feel happy. I dare you.
“If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lossst palllll…”
P.S. Previous post title: “This Difference a Year Makes” This difference. Who am I right now. I’m correcting it, but for those of you that noticed, know that I also noticed and shuddered. I swear I graduated from college.
The Difference a Year Makes
This morning, I contemplated laying in bed with the covers over my head all day. I wanted to spend the day in bed, with my pajamas and my little corgi dog and not face the world. Yesterday, it seemed like this feeling was coming on mainly because my shower curtain rod had fallen down and no. matter. what. I. tried. IT WOULD NOT GO BACK UP. I seriously wanted to javelin that bitch out of the second floor window.
But I realize it’s more than the shower curtain. (although we can all agree, THAT SUCKS. That sucks like tangled-up hangers suck. I will seriously have a Code Blue Meltdown over tangled up-hangers)
A year ago this week, my life changed significantly. In one week, I got offered a great, new, full-time job, turned 29, and found myself to be going through a divorce. It literally all happened in the same week.
It’s amazing how quickly and completely your life can change.
More importantly, it’s amazing how much of a difference a year can make.
While I do still have moments, especially the last few days, of feeling enormously sad, I have even bigger moments of feeling so grateful. I am so grateful for the people in my life, and the person I have become.
My previous life seems so distant to me, and I don’t want it back. However, I’m even grateful for it. I learned more than I can say from being married and going through a divorce, and it changed me, for the better. I am now more patient, more calm, more forgiving, more accepting, and more balanced. I am more aware of what I need and what I can give. I feel more like “me” now than ever before and I’m happy, right where I am, just as I am.
Sometimes just saying that out loud makes you realize you have no reason to want to lay in bed with the covers over your head. (except for the fact that it’s awesome)
No matter what you’re facing right now, it will get better. Do things that make you feel better. Write. Create something. If you can’t think of a project, go look at pinterest. Swear to you, that site shows the coolest shit. Make a list of things you enjoy that you can focus some energy on. Make a list of five things you are thankful for and say them out loud each morning. Believe me, I’ve been to therapy, THIS WORKS. For me, my plan is to get my butt back in the gym daily. I haven’t really been since daylight savings time started. Also, it means either getting out of the office at lunch and getting outside or going to lay in a tanning bed a few times a week. It’s bad for you, I know. But as I’ve previously explained, S.A.D. is a real thing, and I need to get my Vitamin D.
Two Fall Recipes
Y’all. Like, I don’t know what kind of transformation I’m undergoing or if it’s just the random diet pills I found (and took) talking, but I’m really starting to like cooking!
I made two really great recipes today, one is a breakfast and the other is lunch/dinner. Enjoy!
This one is from my newest favorite healthy-dessert blog Chocolate Covered Katie:
Image via Chocolate Covered Katie
Pumpkin Bread in a Bowl
(can be gluten-free)
Inspired by this awesomeness.
- 1/3 c canned pumpkin (or cooked pumpkin)
- 3/4 c nondairy milk
- 1 cup flake cereal (I like spelt flakes, but bran, corn, etc will work. Some people have even used oatmeal!)
- 1/4 to 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
- 1/2 tsp cinnamon
- 1/8 tsp salt
- sweetener (such as stevia, sugar, or even maple syrup)
- optional: chocolate chips, pecans
Blend all ingredients together. The cereal will have a thin consistency at first, but if you leave it in the fridge (after blending) for even just 10 minutes, it starts to get really thick!
I personally used a Magic Bullet to make this and doubled the recipe, storing the leftover in individual pint-sized mason jars so I can grab one and throw it in my purse on the way out the door. I also put a few chocolate chips on top so that when I heat it up it’ll be a little chocolatey/gooey. Also, if you do the chocolate chips, you really don’t need to add any sweetener, it’s perfect!
Ok, on to the other:
1 can (about 14 oz) Mexican-style diced tomatoes, undrained
1 can (about 14 oz) black beans, rinced and drained
3/4 cup shredded Monterey Jack Cheese, divided
1/4 cup finely chopped cilantro
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon garlic salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1. Preheat oven to 350. Cut squash in half lengthwise. Remove and discard seeds. Place squash, cut side down, in greesed backing pan. Bake 45 minutes to an hour or until just tender. Using fork, remove spaghetti-like strands from hot squash and place strands in large bowl. (Use oven mitts to protect hands).
2. Add tomatoes with juice, beans, 1/2 cup cheese, cilantro, cumin, garlic salt and pepper, toss well.
3. Spray 1 1/2 quart casserole with nonstick cooking spray. Spoon mixture into casserole. Sprinkle with remaining 1/4 cup cheese.
4. Bake, uncovered, 30 to 35 minutes or until heated through.
Serve immediately.
I added taco seasoning to this, and if I had to do it over again, I’d add actual garlic and a purple onion to this casserole. Maybe even a little corn? It was really good, I used the super spicy rotel diced tomatoes and it was pretty hot! AND SO CHEAP! What up Frugal Fran!!
I took the pic below with my iPhone, so it’s not the best, but you get the general idea of what it looks like. It tastes not quite like pasta, but it’s really good! I will be making other variations of this soon. (Because I cook now.)
29 in 29, final
This is my 100th post!! So, in celebration, I want you to stop whatever you’re doing and do a little dance. DO IT. I’ll wait. Better yet, getcha a nice adult beverage and then do a little dance. I went to Sam’s Liquor Warehouse after work yesterday with Kimmy and I plan to celebrate a little myself. And there will be dancing…there’s always dancing.
Ok, let’s finish up my 29 in 29 already.
21. See the Grand Canyon. Sighhhh. I didn’t get to do this, but it’s definitely on my 2012 list. I really want to be in awe of something other than the general size of my ass, and I feel like the Grand Canyon is something I need to see.
22. Go to at least 3 concerts. I did this! I saw Grace Potter, Jonathan Tyler, Ghostland Observatory, some local bands, Chelsea Handler (stand-up show) and Kathy Griffin (stand-up show). Even though I hate crowds, I love live shows. The energy just can’t be beat. I really want to see The Avett Brothers, Lady Gaga, Florence + The Machine in 2012.
23. Plant a tree. Ugh, I didn’t do this. I don’t know why, but it seems so overwhelming. What time of year are you even supposed to try to plant a tree? Mom…Dad…anybody? I need to look into this one a little more.
24. Knit something. Good Lord. I knew better than to put this one on there, but I thought it would help me with being still and patient, two of my biggest struggles. I kinda want to knit one of these this winter, and I don’t think it will take too long:
25. Get a Brazilian. Yes, I did this. Twice. The first experience was quite possibly one of the longest experiences I’ve endured, but the second time was a cake walk. If it wasn’t so expensive I’d have it done regularly. I don’t feel like any more details are needed for this particular portion of the list. Kthxbye.
26. Play more basketball. I love love love playing basketball. However, I have a bad left knee and after two ACL surgeries, I’m not willing to risk it too much. Sooooo, Michael and I have played many games of Around the World, Horse, and Best Out of Ten Free-throws. (I’m better than Michael.)
27. Spend more time outside. I have spent much more time outside this year than I ever have. Fletchie’s been on more walks than ever, I started running outside this summer, I played some basketball, hell, I even went hiking for the first time ever…and liked it. This reminds me of a recent humorous exchange between Michael and his dad. Michael called me to let me know that his dad really liked me and thought I was perfect for M (blush). One of the reasons he thought I was so great was that I was “outdoorsy”. Now, instead of just going with it Michael said he just laaaaaaaaaaaaughed and then said “she’s learning.” I was outraged! If drinking on a patio on a regular basis isn’t outdoorsy, I don’t know what is…OK!? I’m more outdoorsy than ever, bitches!
28. De-clutter/Use less stuff. Like basically, enough is enough. I hate clutter, I hate having shit that I forgot I even had. So I’ve done a few run throughs of the closet, I still have more to tackle in the garage, but all in all, I’m a lot more pared down than I was a year ago.
29. Do something hard for 21 days straight. I’ve done plenty of hard things for 21 days straight including: Not drinking Diet Coke, Not watching/having cable TV, not getting on Facebook. Ok maybe that’s not plenty, per se, but still.
This spreadsheet encapsulates my spreadsheet nerdiness better than any words ever could:
| 29 in 29 Tracker | ||||||
| Activity | Status | Other firsts: | ||||
| 1 | Cooking Classes | No | Shot a gun | |||
| 2 | Dancing | Yes | Went hiking | |||
| 3 | Leave the Country | No | Rode a motorcycle | |||
| 4 | Karaoke | Yes | ||||
| 5 | Downgrade Car | Yes | 22 – Yes | |||
| 6 | Self-Defense | Yes | 7 – No | |||
| 7 | Decorate house with photographs | Yes | ||||
| 8 | Find a new place to live | Yes | ||||
| 9 | Join a book club | Yes | ||||
| 10 | Roadtrip | Yes | ||||
| 11 | Monthly Budget | Yes | ||||
| 12 | Therapy/Support Group | Yes | ||||
| 13 | 5 NBA Games | No | ||||
| 14 | Blog More | Yes | ||||
| 15 | Complete a detox | No | ||||
| 16 | Convert/Sell Wedding Ring | Yes | ||||
| 17 | Volunteer | Yes | ||||
| 18 | Date | Yes | ||||
| 19 | Wear red lipstick | Yes | ||||
| 20 | Buy a set of china | Yes | ||||
| 21 | See the Grand Canyon | No | ||||
| 22 | Go to 3 Concerts | Yes | ||||
| 23 | Plant a tree | No | ||||
| 24 | Knit something | No | ||||
| 25 | Brazilian | Yes | ||||
| 26 | Play basketball more | Yes | ||||
| 27 | Spend more time outside | Yes | ||||
| 28 | De-clutter / Use Less Stuff | Yes | ||||
| 29 | Do something hard for 21 days straight | Yes | ||||
Here’s a few pictures of some other fun firsts I experienced…shooting a gun and hiking!
Thank you isn’t enough.
I’d like to take a minute to send a HUGE thanks to all of our veterans and those currently serving our country. Without you, our every day lives would be so very, very different. So, THANK YOU!! You are appreciated.
The Sabbatical 